Author and Speaker

If you are a single person and have been raised in church, you may have heard of the evils of being "unequally yoked" together with unbelievers in marriage. As a result you made darn sure not to fall in love with anyone who did NOT go to church. You may have even restricted your romantic interests to those in your local church. That is until you went away to college. There you were exposed to a whole host of unique and interesting, intelligent, intriguing and attractive people that you would have never met in your small youth group. You probably began to like people from different backgrounds than yours. But in the back of your mind you feel some kind of way about getting too involved, lest you be unequally yoked with an unbeliever! 

What to do?

First, understand what the Bible says. 

Nothing wrong with church peer group influence - its great if its consistent Biblical values to keep you on course spiritually! But lets look at the primary scripture reference people use.

• Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV). 

Without getting into definitions for Belial and infidels (yikes!), suffice it to say that the newly converted believers in Corinth were called to a life of spiritual consecration to God, just as we are today. But these believers were a true religious minority and surrounded by many other religious influences. The Apostle Paul makes it a point to highlight the vastly different focus of worship between believers and non-believers that prevents "walking together" in purpose. Note the reference to oxen yoked together to plow a field. In short, the core belief systems are diametrically opposed to one another. This can either impede progress together or place an undue strain on the relationship.

But what's wrong with loving someone from a different background? 

Spiritual implications aside, Nothing. We can love a variety of people for a variety of reasons. God calls us to love everyone. However, the challenge is in marriage is living and walking together purposefully before God with someone from a different background. In this case the different background involves faith and worship. The assumption is that a believer values faith in a very practical way. It should be a primary core value. If the other person does not share that value there is sure to be either conflict or compromise by one or both parties. 

So to play it safe, I should marry a Christian right?

Not so fast grasshopper! This post is to help us recognize that even though Christians may share the same "faith" in God, they express it in a whole host of different ways! A Pentecostal expresses faith differently than does a Presbyterian. A Methodist differs from a Baptist and a Lutheran in they details of what they prioritize in their faith. The entire ongoing liberal / conservative political "food fight" is more proof that people who wholeheartedly believe in God do not believe the same way or have the same values! So based on this alone, believers can have completely different values than other believers. I didn't even get into various levels of immaturity, carnality and flat out unbelief that we often see among believers in public and on social media these days! Scary stuff!  They may not worship a different God per se, but they may worship something different than you do in addition to God!

So yes, Christian people can be "unequally yoked" even if they profess the same general "faith" but in practice don't share the same values or vision. They may not be with an unbeliever but if they don't actually believe the same thing the challenges can be just as real. 

So what's the priority for an intimate relationship and marriage?

I definitely believe a common faith should be a common foundation. But having a faith in "name only" is not enough. It has to be real on the part of both individuals. That faith should in some tangible way inform a persons PURSUITS and PRACTICES, VALUES and VISION. Even then each person will bring different experiences and interests to the relationship that they need to work through. Even matches made in heaven require work on earth! But this lays some very important foundation that can be built upon over time. 

These are just some of the things I talk about in my upcoming book "The Four C's of a Brilliant Marriage" in my quest to restore some sanity to modern day relationship drama! Stay tuned for more!

So what are your thoughts on christians being unequally yoked?

#writngforachange